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Drifting to Insanity
A short fanfiction written by ZodiaDragon. This story features an unnamed NightWing animus. The Poll's results were unanimous -- there's more crazy coming your way!! :^) I. Entry 1 To whomever is reading, Hi there. If you’re reading this, then you’ve found my journal. I’m keeping this journal to keep track of progress with my abilities. Father says that I need to keep the journal so that I can keep track of how to perform complicated spells and rituals. That probably confused you, so let me start over. Hi. I’m an animus. If you don’t know, an animus is a dragon who has powerful magical abilities, such as the ability to enchant objects, perform spells, and create mystical items. My father is an animus too, so I probably got my powers from him. My mother isn’t an animus, though. She was born a normal NightWing, whereas my dad started normal, but was chased away from the NightWing kingdom because he was an animus. Father said that I should start keeping these journals so that I can record my progress, but I think that he just wants to know about what I do outside of the cave. Father is a little paranoid, but I think that’s because he thinks that some dragons are gonna come after him while we’re sleeping. He set up a magical barrier to be safe, but I think he’s overreacting. Since I don’t want him to worry, I’m going to go ahead and keep this journal. I’ll record my spellcasting progress, since that’s what he told me to do with it, and I’ll write here every once and a while so I can look back on how much progress I’ve made. Bye! II. Entry 7 To whomever is reading, I started learning about animus magic about a week ago now. Father showed me what could be done with magic, such as moving big objects or having things do chores and such. He also told me some stories about animus magic in history, with things like the SeaWing palace, the Eye of Onyx, and the dreamvisitors all being examples of animus magic. The first thing that father told me how to do was simple levitation. He brought in some rocks and scrolls, and had me use my powers to life them up. It was actually pretty simple--I just had to think about what I wanted them to do, then tell them to start floating, and they just did it. Before long I was able to lift just about anything, since what I can lift isn’t determined by what I can do physically. The only other thing I learned this week was how to do a simple enchantment. The enchantment that I learned was how to make things move without touching them. It was similar to levitation, but this time I had to tell objects specifically what to do. It took some practice, but before long, I was able to unroll a scroll, write down what I wanted to say, wrap it back up, and put it away--all without ever moving a muscle! Father said that this was only the start of what I would be able to do, if I had enough practice. He told me to make sure I moderate my magic use, though. He told me what happened to dragons that were careless, so I guess I can’t really blame him for telling me to not use it. I'm probably gonna start doing these weekly, because otherwise I'm gonna run out of space really quickly. Bye! III. Entry 61 To whomever is reading, It’s been about a year since father started training me on how to use my powers. Recently, I’ve started to notice some kinda weird stuff going on. Lately, I’ve noticed that after training, I’ve gotten exhausted really quickly. One moment, I’m just standing there, then I use some sort of enchantment (any kind works, the same things happen regardless), and then right after I find myself drowsy and practically falling asleep. In addition to the weird sleepiness, I’ve been getting dizzy a lot lately. They weren’t really strong for the longest time, and I’ve sort of gotten used to it, but recently I realized that I’ve been losing my balance, and the blood rushing to my head was blocking my vision for a second before it all went back to normal. Perhaps I’m just overworking myself? Maybe if I slow down the training then they’re sort of just go away, and I can get back to my studies. IV. Entry 75 Training is boring. For the past year and a half, I have been repeating the exact same boring routines over and over. It’s just getting frustrating now. Every time I asked father if I could learn something that was actually new, he just told me that I wasn’t ready, and sent me back to resume the same boring tricks. Levitation, simple enchantments--it’s all boring. Father won’t let me try anything new, he won’t let me leave the cave, he won’t even let me read some new scrolls. It’s just the same boring routine. Every day. Slowing my training never actually fixed my dizziness problems. In fact, I don’t think that the dizziness was even caused by my training, because stopping altogether only made it worse. When I told father about it, he said that I needed to lower my magic use. When he said that, I told him that I felt fine--there couldn’t be any side effects if I didn’t feel like I was going crazy, right? When I get to go back to my quarters, I can swear that I can hear someone whispering in the cave. It’s so quiet that I can’t tell what they’re saying, but it’s really starting to get annoying. I’m assuming that mother and father are just trying to freak me out so I slow my studies, but I’m not gonna fall for that. Though, it is getting really annoying. V. Entry 122 i n̶e̕ed ͢to ̀g͠e͘t͜ o̵ut of h̶er͢e.̕ he warned me. he told me that it was going to happen. i didn’t listen. oh ḿo͟o̶n̶s why didn’t i listen? he told me that dragons who used their powers went off the deep end. did i listen? ǹ͜o̧. of course i didn’t. why would i? i just thought he was trying to scare me. i didn’t have a̢͢n̷͡y̧̕ evidence as to how dragons with animus powers went insane when they used them. and so what did i do? i used my powers. i didn’t think of the consequences. i didn’t imagine that of all the dragons who could go overboard, that the next one in line could actually be m̴̀͟ę̢̨̡̛.̵̢̀̀͘ the voices aren’t even the only issue. the more i’ve been looking, the more i’ve noticed things going out of the ordinary. things are moving without anybody touching them. things are flying at me without warning. things are appearing right before my eyes. i know father wouldn’t do that--he’s too sc͟a̢r͟͝͠e̕͠d̷͡ to use his powers. i know why things keep happening. it’s the same reason that i can’t focus for three moons-forsaken seconds. it’s the same reason that the whispers that i thought to be my parents turned out to be voices in my head, and now they are s̢̢̢c̨̛r̶̵͠e̷͜am͟͡͞iń̷͘g̵ at me from the inside. i̢t̶'̵s be̶ca͝use of̛ ͟m͘e. it gets even worse. i fled the cave a week ago, trying to get away from the screams in my head. did you know that you can’t escape your own thoughts? i͟ ́t͜ri̕e̸d͞. it doesn’t work. they just follow you. wherever you go. you can’t escape. you’ll never escape. there is nothing on this planet that will allow you to escape. there is nothing you can do. if the boundary is crossed, you will n̴ev͞e͢r go back. the voices will just follow you. f͟o͡r̡e̵ve̛r. i think i killed someone when i left the cave. i don’t remember why. i don’t remember how. i don’t remember who. i don’t even remember when. all i know is that i left the cave… things went by in a blur… and then i woke up back in the cave, with nothing around me except the b́l͢oo͜d͟ of someone else on my hands. i need help. but i don’t know how to get it. i need a way to get these voices out of my head. i need a way to get out. because now, after it has become far too late… i'm̨ sc̴a̵r̛èd̵. VI. Entry 149 im leaving. i don’t know where im going. i dont know how long ill be gone. but i do know that im leaving. if i remain here any longer then ll kill t̨͘͝he͝m͠ too. just like the monster that you are. theyll be safe without me. theyll be able to live without the fear of me d̵͏est̴͟r̛ǫ͞ý̷i̷n̵͟g everything that they love. and ill be able to escape. ill be able to escape--ill be able to search for a way to get these voices o͏̢͠ut̷͏ ͞o̡̢͡f̢́ ҉͘̕m̧̀͢y ̕h҉e͏̕͝a̴͘d̴.̶ you’ll never escape. you’ll be trapped here forever. i cant focus. i dont know what to do. i just have to run. i have to run and never turn back. no matter how far i go. no matter how tired i get. no matter how much i want to see my parents faces again. i cant return. ill only hurt them too. i cant hurt them too. not more than i already will. you’re breaking apart everything you ever had. i dont know how to think straight anymore. all i can hear when i think are the voices, s̷͡c͞r͢e̡am̀͜͟i̵n̕͢҉g̴͠ at me. telling me that i͡ts a͠l̨l ͝my̸ ́fau̕l̕t̶.́ i dont want to listen to them, but i cant hear my own voice in my head. i dont know what im thinking. i dont know what i want. i dont know because it is imp̵o͏̴s̶͜s̡̢͢i̵b̶͠ĺ̢e to hear my own voice in the ç͠h͏a͟o̧͠ś̶.̷̢ we are your voice. we always have been. you just didn’t want us to be. theyre lying to me. they have to be. its not just the voices. i dont just hear things anymore. i se̕͝é̵͟ things now. i dont know the difference between imagination and reality. i dont know the difference between what is my world and what is the world of my mind. i see monsters. i cant explain them. not even if i wanted to. i dont want to think about them. i ca̶n̛͝t̵͜ think about them. if i think about them then its all over. the voices tell me to destroy the monsters. but everything is a monster. what if i destroy a monster and find it was another dragon? i cant do it. you’re a monster too. you always have been. this is my last journal. i cant write anymore. i want to leave this here so that father will know what i did. im going to run away. i dont know where ill hide. i dont know if i ca̶n̛͝ hide. im going to run. im going to find a way to escape the voices. im going to find a way to escape the monsters. im going to find a way to escape the darkness. im going to find a way to purge this evil essence from my soul. your soul is gone. you broke it yourself, and now you’ll never escape. im s̴̕͠͏ờr̵̀͟r̨͠y̸͠ father. im s̴̕͠͏ờr̵̀͟r̨͠y̸͠ i didn’t listen. im s̴̕͠͏ờr̵̀͟r̨͠y̸͠ that youre never going to get to see me grow up. im s̴̕͠͏ờr̵̀͟r̨͠y̸͠ that i couldnt learn. im s̴̕͠͏ờr̵̀͟r̨͠y̸͠ i didn’t listen to your warnings. i҉m s̡o͜r̵ry th҉a͏t i f̕ai͢le͡d ͏you̢.̴ i have to leave. its for your own good. its for my own good. i cant stand this anymore. i need help. i͜ ̡n͟͞e̸͢e̡d̛͏ ͟͞só͜͟m͘e̡͜͝o͢ǹ̸͡e ҉to ͠s͝ąv̸e͠ ̴͘m̶̡̛e҉. but we all know that that will never happen. __NOWYSIWYG__ Category:Fanfictions Category:Fanfictions (Semi-Canon) Category:Genre (Epistolary) Category:Content (ZodiaDragon) Category:Fanfictions (Completed)